my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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