if you like me you must not know who I am
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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