Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
