Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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