I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
