Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
