I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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