Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
