hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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