I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
