i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
