The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The adults are the big ones right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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