Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
