look no pants
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
