I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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