I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
