We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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