Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
