why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT