I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
