Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
