I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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