Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
