i would punch a child for taco bell
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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