she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
