my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
