you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
