All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
