This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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