You made me cry and you don't even care
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
