Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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