People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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