apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
