Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
