I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
