dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
