Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
