grandma shit on top of the toilet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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