he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
