She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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