Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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