that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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