What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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