Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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