Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
