He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
