I hope mine doesn't look like that
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
