i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
