neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
they're like a gay fantastic four
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
