I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
