I wish I could punch you in the face.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
