Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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