Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
