She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
