God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
