we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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