What a fucking waste of an outfit
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my shit smells like andre
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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