This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
where are you?
Hypothermia
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
