You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
