how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
