I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize