WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
