Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
