I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
