sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I could fuck to npr.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize