Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize