never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
