Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
