my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
