Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
