WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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