so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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