put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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