so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
