if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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