i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
