I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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