she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
