allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
