Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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