By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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