we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
