If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
